unitarian guilt.
i want to talk about unitarian guilt.
background: i think there is a degree of truth to the statement that there are two types of people – intellectuals and people who get things done.
i think most UUs are in the first category. i, however, am in the second category. or truthfully, more like the bridge between the two. i think it’s one of the ways that i am one of the people the world needs because i translate between the eggheads and the people who make decisions. happily i get paid for that. but it doesn’t make me wish less that a) the eggheads would think about their audience more (or realize that their audience is people who make decisions rather than other eggheads) and b) there were more people who choose to do what i do and do it well.
therefore, i feel a lot of guilt because i can’t do everything. i can’t always volunteer at the elementary school we sponsor, recycle everything, buy all local-organic produce, not drive, not fly, buy a hybrid, call my congressman every day, never watch reality TV or enjoy anything lowbrow, etc etc.
thus, i am wracked with guilt. i do what i can, but i can’t do everything. i don’t have the luxury (from my perspective) of considering *thinking* about a problem as the same thing as *doing something* about a problem.
i often wonder why we have an “if we build it, they will come” attitude about attracting people to the church. duh, it’s not a mystery why our congregations are so homogenous. it’s not like most missionaries knock on doors and proselytize. one of my childhood best friends did a mormon mission teaching English to folks in Argentina. part of that was, i’m sure, making the students and community aware of LDS, but first and foremost, they were there to serve. i am very drawn to this type of ministry — it’s simple: serve, and others will like you.
but hell, when you get down to it, why not knock on doors and hand out pamphlets? the jehovah’s witnesses who live down the street from us religiously (pun-intended) bring us their most recent pamphlet.
the tiny-but-rockin’ (believe me; we can hear them rocking out on our porch) full gospel church across the street is more with the service program. they go door-to-door the third weekend in november, and they give out boxes that contain the ingredients for a full thanksgiving meal – no questions; no action expected in return. we, of course, always turn this down because we are able to provide our own food and would far prefer seeing someone who would not otherwise have a feast of thanksgiving with the food. and jenny-o turkey plywood is gross, but that’s not the main reason. 
if we love our church (which i do, very passionately), why don’t we want to sing its praises from rooftops so that others can experience the joy i feel being part of the UU community?
anyway, there are obviously separate issues in this post, but does anyone else have UU guilt? am i crazy? what do you do about the guilt?
”it is not possible” is one of my mantras because it says “no” while also absolving me of responsibility for the “no” — it places the burden on the realm of the possible. it makes “no” not my fault. it helps me cope with being a person who wants to do it all. but i’m just having a hard time forgiving myself for “it’s not possible” when saying “no” means that maybe i’m not truly living my life as a UU.
maybe i just have guilt issues?
maybe we as a denomination attract and collect introverts who fear approaching and talking to strangers about something real? who fear rejection? meh.
on 4 May 2007 on 9:05 pm
I have UU guilt. I always feel like I should be doing more, or giving more money, etc. It’s really awful at times. I haven’t come up with a good way of dealing with it, however, other than to keep telling myself, “You can’t do everything. You really, really can’t.” And then I wonder if I’m just making an excuse to do nothing…. I even feel guilty in the winter when I buy produce from Chile or even just CA and FL, and I live in MA. I have no choice but to buy non-locally grown produce in the winter if I want to eat fruit and veggies!! What am I supposed to do? Eat nothing but root veggies and risk scurvy?
Even the thingy we say in church – I am only one, I can’t do everything – doesn’t make feel OK because it ends with, “and because I cannot do everything I must do something.” Or something to that effect. But, see? Even though it tells us we cannot do everything it still leaves us with this charge to do SOMETHING.
It makes me feel overwhelmed. But I’m glad I’m not the only one.
People talk about Catholic guilt, but no one ever seems to talk about Protestant (or UU) guilt. Actually, someone else did mention Protestant guilt. I can’t remember who, but it about Protestants stressing themselves out because they feel guilty for not doing more.